


all the everything that ever was

by squilf



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crack, M/M, POV Outsider, Picard has Issues, Q is dramatic, Riker Just Wants It To Stop, Riker Sits On Things, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-16 18:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18526837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squilf/pseuds/squilf
Summary: Will can’t decide if Picard and Q being soulmates is the most disturbing or the most hilarious thing he has ever discovered.





	all the everything that ever was

**Author's Note:**

> I just started rewatching TNG (thank you, Netflix!) and I cannot get over how Q highkey has a thing for Picard. Like, damn boy. I came up with a lil headcanon that Q and Picard are soulmates, which _was_ just going to be a text post on tumblr, and then my hand slipped and… this happened. And it’s total, utter crack.

Will is the first one to find out.

It’s an accident, really. Q has been wreaking havoc as usual, all chaotic energy and doe eyes and _mon capitain_ , and Picard has finally, actually, probably, got him to agree to _get off my ship, Q_ , and Will is thinking about how much he needs a drink.

“I suppose it is time for me to go,” Q says, theatrically looking at a wristwatch that has suddenly materialised on his arm.

Will’s standing closest to him, so when Q rolls up his sleeve, he sees it. And there it is, written on Q’s wrist in an elegant hand. _Jean-Luc Picard_. Will blinks. He looks at Picard, then at Q, then back to Picard.

“You…” Will stammers, “And _you_?”

Picard clenches his jaw. Q’s mouth twists into a smile.

“What is he talking about?” says Worf.

“Yes,” Q says, evidently taking great joy in watching Picard squirm, “What _is_ he talking about?”

“Nothing,” Picard snaps.

He turns the full force of the Picard Stare onto Will.

“Isn’t that right, Number One?”

“Uh… yes, captain,” says Will, but he’s still staring distractedly at Q.

“Weren’t you leaving, Q?” Picard bellows.

Q grins.

“Au revoir, mon capitaine.”

Q blows a kiss, and Picard physically _recoils_ at the gesture. Then Q is gone, and Picard is stiffly straightening his uniform.

“Right,” he says, clearing his throat, “Now _that’s_ dealt with, let’s be on our way.”

Will stands there, stunned, as everyone else busies themselves with the captain’s orders.

“If you’re quite ready, Number One,” Picard says pointedly.

“Yes, captain,” Will says, awkwardly rushing to his seat.

Picard leans close to Will.

“If you tell anyone about this,” he whispers, “I will _personally_ see to it that you leave Starfleet with a dishonourable discharge.”

Will gulps.

 

* * *

 

Will runs into Deanna at the bar later. After the day they’ve had, he really can’t blame her.

“I know Q makes work for everyone,” she says with a wry smile, “But he’s especially exhausting for an empath.”

Will takes a seat beside her.

“He and the captain do have an intense… conflict.”

Deanna nods, sighing.

“I’m curious,” Will says, “What do you feel between them?”

“It would be unprofessional for me to talk about it,” she demurs.

Will tops up her drink.

“Then it’s just as well you’re off duty,” he says.

“You are awful, Will,” Deanna says, but she takes a sip.

“Aren’t I just?” Will says, pouring a drink for himself.

She smiles coyly.

“It’s not like I can tell you much. Q can hide his emotions, even his presence, from me.”

“But not the captain.”

Deanna chuckles.

“His feelings towards Q are so strong, it’s hard for me to sense anyone else’s when he’s around. Anger, frustration, annoyance –”

“Aren’t those the same thing?” Will says.

“Really? You’re telling that to an empath _and_ the ship’s counsellor?”

Will laughs.

“Sorry. Go on.”

“But I can sense more beneath the surface.”

“Really?” Will says.

Deanna leans closer, conspiratorially.

“I can always sense a wave of happiness from the captain whenever Q appears. As if he’s pleased to see him. As if he’s missed him.”

“Now, that _is_ interesting.”

Deanna tilts her head back and looks at Will through her eyelashes.

“You’re not surprised,” she pronounces.

“No.”

“You know something.”

“Perhaps.”

Deanna smiles, her cup hovering by her lips.

“But you can’t tell me.”

“No.”

She takes a sip and, quite accidentally, her fingers brush against his wrist. Will flinches a little – he still remembers the way she used to touch him there – and Deanna promptly spits out her drink.

“They’re _soulmates_?”

Will looks at her, unimpressed, droplets running down his face.

“This explains so much,” Deanna says.

“Mmm-hmm,” Will murmurs.

Deanna finally looks at him, and gasps.

“I’m sorry,” she says, searching for something to dry him with.

She eventually finds a cloth behind the bar and starts dabbing him with it. Will sighs. It could be worse, he supposes.

“Just don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” Deanna smiles, “I’m good at keeping secrets, remember?”

 

* * *

 

“What do you know about soulmates?” Will asks.

It’s late and he’s alone at the bridge with Data, his foot braced up on the dashboard. Data glances at his crotch – which, granted, is maybe a little close to his face – then blinks up at him.

“Most known sentient beings in the universe are born with the name of their soulmate written on their right wrist, or corresponding appendage. It is thought that they are bound together in this life, and will one day find one another. Why do you ask?”

Will braces his hand on his knee and looks out into the vastness of space.

“I’ve just been thinking about it lately, is all.”

“Have you been thinking of your soulmate?” Data asks.

Will’s gaze flicks down towards his wrist, to the name hidden under his sleeve, the reason why he can’t talk to Deanna about this.

“No, no. It’s not something I’ve ever really believed in.”

“The phenomenon is well-documented,” Data says.

“It’s more the customs we have around it. The universe is so incredibly vast. I can’t believe that there is only one person in it who you are destined to be with.”

“Perhaps because you have been with so many.”

Will raises an eyebrow. If it were anyone else, he’d say they were sassing him. With Data, he can never tell.

“How about you?”

“My experience is limited to those who have requested I run my sexual programmes.”

Will coughs. Data’s forthrightness still manages to throw him a little.

“I mean, what do you think of soulmates?”

“I am an android. I do not have a soul, therefore, I cannot have a soulmate.”

Will smiles.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

Data tilts his head to one side.

“I don’t understand.”

Will doesn’t know how to tell him what he suspects, what he’s _long_ suspected, so he settles on saying something vague.

“Well, soulmates can be quite… surprising, I’ve learned.”

“Query: are you referring to the captain and Q?”

Will stares at him.

“How did you know?”

“After your confusion last week, and your questions about soulmates today, it seemed the only logical conclusion.”

Will points a finger at Data.

“You _cannot_ let it slip that I told you that.”

“Why not?”

“The captain doesn’t want anyone to know. Hell, I don’t think _he_ wants to know.”

Data quirks an eyebrow.

“Q is certainly an interesting choice for the universe to make.”

Will chuckles.

“I’ll say.”

“I do not believe it is recorded that the Q _have_ soulmates.”

“It seems cruel.”

Q frowns at Will, confused.

“That one lives for eternity and the other, so short a time,” Will explains.

“My life could theoretically span several thousand years, given appropriate repairs,” Data says, “Perhaps it is a good thing I do not have a soulmate.”

 

* * *

 

Several months go by without another Q incident. It’s not unlike him – he appears periodically, like a recurring nightmare – and Will would usually relish the peace. But right now, all he wants is for him to turn up again. Picard is, quite simply, being a nightmare. Breathing down Will’s neck constantly, afraid he’ll let slip his secret. After a few more dangerous missions, Will wonders vaguely if his captain is trying to have him killed. And he’s not just taking it out on Will. Picard seems more irritable than usual, snapping at everyone, not just Wesley. It’s with these thoughts in mind that Will slips into medbay, hoping to catch the medical officer alone.

“Dr Crusher,” Will says, “Do you have a moment?”

“Of course. What seems to be the problem?”

“There’s no problem,” Will says, straddling the bed, “I just have a question for you. As a medical professional.”

“Oh?”

“It’s about soulmates. You see, I’ve heard that if either party does not acknowledge a soulmate bond, it can have negative effects.”

“Well, yes,” the doctor says, “Aside from emotional distress, it can also have serious physical effects. Even death, in some species.”

“How about humans?”

Beverly shrugs.

“We might see loss of appetite, inability to focus, insomnia… All worsening with time.”

Will nods.

“That sounds about right.”

Beverly gives him a kind smile.

“Perhaps this is something you should speak to Counsellor Troi about?”

“Oh,” Will says, “Thank you, but it’s not me I’m asking for.”

“Really?”

“You must’ve noticed the captain has been somewhat… distracted recently.”

“I have _tried_ to make him rest.”

“I’m sure. You are the only person on this ship who can give him orders.”

Beverly laughs.

“As I like to remind him.”

“Could you order him to speak to his soulmate? Hypothetically speaking.”

Beverly sighs and sits down on the bed beside Will. She’s a comforting presence, calm and motherly.

“I… _can_ order crew members to speak to Counsellor Troi. But I’m not sure if that would help.”

Will chuckles.

“No, I’m not sure, either.”

“Speaking purely as Jean-Luc’s friend… You could speak to him.”

Will quirks an eyebrow.

“He threatened to have me kicked out of Starfleet.”

“It sounds like he was being dramatic.”

Beverly rests a hand on Will’s.

“I’m sure he’s just worried about the protocol. But Starfleet can be accommodating. After all, we all know about Captain Kirk and his first officer.”

Will’s silent for a moment, trying to process what Beverly has just said. Does she think…?

“Oh,” Will says, “Oh _no_.”

“You’re a good man, Will,” Beverly says, altogether far too earnestly, “And I know Jean-Luc knows that. And I –”

“It’s Q!” Will bursts out.

Beverly frowns, confused.

“What?”

Will sighs.

“Q’s the soulmate.”

“Q’s your soulmate?”

Will shakes his head.

“Q’s Jean-Luc’s soulmate?” Beverly says slowly.

“That’s about it.”

Beverly blinks.

“He _definitely_ needs to speak to Counsellor Troi.”

 

* * *

 

As the weeks wear on, Picard only seems to be getting _worse_. Q has never been gone for this long before, and the captain has never been more difficult to work with.

“Can we summon Q?” Will mutters to Data, exasperated, “If nothing else, it would distract him.”

“I am not sure that he comes on command,” Data says, a little amused.

“Hey guys,” Geordi says, suddenly materialising, “What are you talking about?”

“Soulmates,” Data says, at the same time as Will says, “Nothing.”

Data’s eyes flick over to Will.

“I told you not to tell anyone,” Will says, through gritted teeth.

“Incorrect,” Data says, “You told me not to tell anyone you told me.”

Will stares at him for a moment.

“What?”

“I informed Lieutenant Yar two weeks ago,” Data says.

“You told Tasha?”

“Hold up,” Geordi says, “What have you told Tasha that you can’t tell me? I thought we were friends.”

Data’s face falls.

“We _are_ friends.”

He turns to Will, and dammit if Will can’t resist those big yellow eyes. He relents.

“It turns out that two people we know are soulmates and… well, Data and I were quite surprised about it.”

“I see,” Geordi says.

“One party is aware of the bond but does not acknowledge it,” Data says, “Which Dr Crusher tells us can have negative effects on human health and wellbeing.”

Geordi sighs and steps closer to Data.

“I was going to tell you,” he says.

Will’s eyes widen. _Huh_. How about that.

“You knew?” Data says.

“What do you mean? Of course I knew!”

Geordi rolls up his sleeve, brings Data’s hand to his wrist.

“You think I could be wrong about this?”

Data frowns, his fingers tracing the skin.

“This is Braille.”

“And what does it say?” Geordi asks quietly.

“Data.”

Geordi smiles. Data frowns.

“There must be another called Data,” he says, “An alien, perhaps. Some species have names that –”

“Data,” Geordi says gently, “It’s you.”

Data’s mouth falls open.

“I have a soulmate?”

Will bites his lip. Data is wearing such an expression of wonder, and Geordi, one of patient acceptance. Will can feel the love in the room.

“Yeah,” Geordi says, “But you knew that, right?”

“I…” Data stumbles, “Well…”

He looks hopelessly at Will.

“Wait, what were _you_ talking about?” Geordi says.

Will sniffs, hastily wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“The captain and Q, but that doesn’t matter. Carry on.”

“Oh,” Geordi says, “Wait, _what_?”

“They’re soulmates too,” Will says, waving his hand dismissively, “The captain has a lot of issues about it.”

Data is staring dumbly at Geordi, his hand still clamped around his wrist.

“But _this_ ,” Will says, gesturing vaguely between Geordi and Data, “This is lovely.”

“I have so many questions,” Data says.

“So do I!” says Geordi, “For one, how does that even _work_?”

“I am programmed with a full range of sexual functions,” Data says.

“Oh, I know,” Will says.

Geordi gives him a _look_. Will can’t really tell what kind of look it is, but he’s sure it’s not a good thing.

“Just don’t tell anyone about this,” Will says.

Data’s grip on Geordi tightens.

“Query: are you suggesting that having an android soulmate would be considered shameful?”

“What?” Will says, “No! Data, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Data beams at him, and Will would be lying if he said it didn’t warm something in his heart.

“I was talking about Q and the captain,” Will says, “Just… don’t tell anyone else. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.”

He winks and claps Data on the shoulder before he leaves.

 

* * *

 

For the next few weeks, Data is deeply, loudly, annoyingly happy. He gives Geordi these huge smiles and touches his wrist whenever he can and tells anyone who will listen about _his soulmate_. Geordi blushes and tells him to stop, unused to all the attention, but Will can tell he’s secretly pleased to have such a devoted soulmate. Picard, meanwhile, only seems to be getting worse – and Data and Geordi’s newfound bond isn’t helping.

“Can’t you do something about them?” Picard asks Will.

Will looks over to Data and Geordi. They are doing their jobs, but Data is sneaking glances at Geordi. It’s hard to tell if Geordi is doing the same, but Will expects he is.

“It’s a little much,” Picard says.

Will tries to appeal to his better judgement.

“Data is the first known android to have a soulmate,” he says, “Surely you can recognise the historical importance of that, captain.”

“I would prefer to read about it.”

“Surely you can’t deny true love,” Will says.

Picard scoffs.

“Being soulmates does not mean you love one another.”

“To the contrary, sir,” Data pipes up.

Of course his excellent hearing meant he overheard everything.

“In most cultures, soulmates are considered to be one another’s true love.”

Picard scowls.

“Is a robot teaching me about love?”

Data stands up. Will sucks in a breath. Data isn’t usually intimidating, but the captain has hit a nerve.

“No,” Data says, “Someone who acknowledges and loves their soulmate is teaching you about love.”

All at once, everyone on the bridge slowly turns to look at Picard. Will realises the situation is suddenly turning into A Scene.

“What would you know about my soulmate?” Picard says.

Will _glares_ at Data. Data does not get the hint.

“The entity known to us as Q is an extra-dimensional being who demonstrates nigh-omnipotent power over –”

That, of course, is when the entity known as Q suddenly appears next to Data, wearing a Starfleet uniform and a rakish smile.

“You called?”

Picard fixes Will with another Hard Stare. Will’s been getting so many of them recently, he’s become practically immune to its effects.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Picard says.

Q sighs fondly, as if he’s deeply missed the sight of an exasperated Picard.

“How is this my fault?” Will cries.

“You told Data,” Picard says, “Against my direct orders.”

“ _Only_ Data?” Q says.

Will blushes furiously. Trust Q to drop him in it.

“Is there anyone here,” Picard says, addressing the whole bridge, “Who my first officer _didn’t_ tell about this?”

There’s an awkward pause as everyone looks at the floor sheepishly.

“I did not know of this,” Worf says, “And furthermore, I do not approve.”

Q is playing with his fingers, his hand raised by his face.

“Literally no one here is surprised,” he says.

Worf growls at him.

“Q is our enemy! He has dishonoured us! You cannot mate with him, captain!”

Everyone shudders at the mention of the word ‘mate’. No one needed _that_ mental image. (Well, Q looks like it’s one he’s had for a while.)

“I intend to do no such thing,” Picard says.

“You _wound_ me,” Q says.

Wes tentatively raises his hand.

“What?” Picard barks.

“Please don’t blame Riker. Everyone already knew, captain. Q has spent years flirting with you, after all. It was kinda obvious.”

Q tilts his head to one side.

“Really?” Picard says.

Will nods furiously. He gives the others a nod until they do the same, murmuring vaguely about how they’d all called it. Q inclines his head a little, as if to say, _well played_. And something just… clicks. Q _meant_ for Will to find out. It was all just another game to him. A way of getting his dear capitain to admit the truth. Will returns the gesture. _Well played, yourself_.

Picard nods curtly.

“Q,” he says, “My ready room.”

Picard turns on his heel and Q practically _chases_ after him.

 

* * *

 

Will isn’t _quite_ sure how he, Geordi, Data, Deanna, Tasha and Beverly got pressed up against the door of the captain’s ready room, desperately trying to listen in, but they’re here now.

“You should not be doing this,” Worf says.

“Ssh!” they all say, waving him away.

Will puts his ear against the wall and strains to hear what’s being said inside.

“I thought it was a mistake,” Picard is saying, “Just a letter, not a whole name. I thought it meant I didn’t have a soulmate.”

“Oh, how wrong you were.”

Will can hear the smile in Q’s voice.

“I have waited _such_ a long time to meet you.”

“Q…” Picard sighs.

“Do you realise how incredible it is that I’ve found you? In all the galaxies, all the ages, all the everything that ever was?”

“I wish you hadn’t,” Picard grumbles.

“Come, come. You don’t really mean that.”

“What do you want from me?”

Picard’s voice is low, almost a whisper.

“ _Everything_ ,” Q says, “Oh, mon capitaine, mon cher, mon _amour_...”

“You really are ridiculous,” Picard says, equal parts exasperated and fond.

“But I’m yours.”

… And then there’s no talking for quite some time.

**Author's Note:**

> (Yep, I’m a sucker for Riker and Data’s friendship. And maybe lowkey ship them, ssh.)


End file.
